Why do so many of us walk around feeling deep down that we are not good enough?
I’m passionate about witnessing human behavior within others and myself; I see how deeply people just want to be seen. I have so many opportunities to see my clients and provide a safe sanctuary where they can let their hair down. Sometimes literally, have you ever seen someone’s hair after a facial? Seriously, I am privileged to witness my clients emotionally let their hair down by tapping into deep limiting beliefs and allow tears to flow, or words of frustration to be un-leached in a Catalyst Coaching session.
Why do we feel not good enough? Why, because most of us compare ourselves to others or outside circumstances to measure our value. So how do we change the habit of looking outside of ourselves for approval? We make an effort to see our own limiting beliefs and we commit to learn through witnessing ourselves when we do feel conflicted, sad, angry, frustrated, and anxious. The key is to STOP judging yourself and your emotions.
Feeling not good enough is not a bad thing it is an invitation or opportunity to listen to your self and to practice self-compassion. The first step is to be curious without judging yourself for your feelings. Your feelings are your feelings and your gateway into self-awareness. We don’t judge children when they are learning to walk and may cry out in frustration when they can’t reach their goal. We don’t shame the child for feeling frustrated we have compassion and encouragement and understanding. This is what we need to offer ourselves when we feel not good enough.
The second step is to recognize what you are telling yourself or believing about the emotion or situation. This step brings your unconscious belief or limiting belief into consciousness and then you get to choose if it is true? Let me give you an example about myself. On days that I’m not fully booked in my business I can slip from that balanced feeling of ‘all is right in my world’ into fear and the old story of ‘I’m not good enough’. This creates a feeling of sadness.
My limiting belief is: If I’m not busy I’m not good enough or valuable. When you uncover a limiting belief for yourself, go deeper and look at why you believe this. I recognize that growing up I learned that in order to be valued I needed to be productive, and DOING. I was not taught to value stillness, quiet, walking in nature, down time, reading for pleasure. What was valued was how good I looked, performed, and produced. This is not unusual; remember most of us look to the external for value, until the pain becomes so great that we look for a different way.
When I feel sad I now recognize this as a signal to acknowledge myself. I look at ‘what’s right with me.’ This comes back to our human desire for being seen and acknowledged. If we don’t do this for ourselves it will be difficult to fully receive acknowledgement from others, because we won’t believe them.
The third step is to see evidence of places where this belief it not true in addition to see how the old belief isn’t serving you. In my case I can see the evidence that I have been in business supporting my family for 19 years. Being an entrepreneur creates a situation where the person to ‘fire’ me is my client. I have many clients who have found value in what I have to offer for 19 years.
I also see how this belief of working hard to feel valuable was not serving me. In the past I would exhaust my body into such imbalance where I would make unhealthy choices to soothe myself for working so hard and as a result I would have a low level migraine head-ache daily.
The final step is to ask your self the question what would I rather believe?
I would rather believe: When I work, I am present and authentic and I create a valuable nurturing service for my clients and when I’m not busy I give myself permission to nurture myself and play.
The more that I honor my sadness and see my limiting beliefs around my value the more I learn about my true purpose and passion.
I work with a compassionate open heart and I understand that this level of commitment takes a great deal of energy. My work is not measured on the amount of time I put in, it is measured by the amount of heart I offer. The more that I value myself and listen to my own needs the more I’m able to impact my clients to be in that place of ‘BEING’ and receiving their gifts and talents.
What I know is that when I’m not being kind to myself it is so much harder to be in that ‘heart centered’ place for others. I love the lessons that I continue to learn from observing my own emotional ups and downs. If you want support to learn how to understand the powerful messages and gifts that can be found in your negative emotions and self-judgments than schedule a free discovery session with me. OR simply ask yourself what one small step can I take right now to shift? Remembering sometimes it is as simple as acknowledging yourself for something that you feel good about.
What story triggers you into feeling not good enough?
Follow these steps to guide you back to balance.
1. Be curious and witness your story without judging yourself for your feelings.
2. Define what you are telling yourself or believing about the emotion or situation. When we name it we have the opportunity to tame it.
3. See evidence of places where this belief it not true in addition to see how the old belief isn’t serving you.
4. Acknowledge yourself for what is right with you.
5. Create a new belief and take one small step towards creating it. Remembering along your journey that you are always ENOUGH.
Thank You for reading and watching,